we made out on top of his cat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
