You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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