So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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