i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
