Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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