don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
