he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
