I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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