These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
