is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and she was petting her beer can
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize