I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
