oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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