if you like me you must not know who I am
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
