So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
