Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
