So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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