i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
