Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize