I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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