Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
