who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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