So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize