He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize