Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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