Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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