Even the bartender felt bad for me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize