Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
