i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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