Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
