We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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