I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
