My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
