Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think your dad took our porno
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
