So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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