Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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