Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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