I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
