Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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