wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
