She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
