btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
