you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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