Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
