I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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