I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
