At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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