Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
