I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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