WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
