worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ttyl tear gas
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
