She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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