between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize