I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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