she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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