Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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