I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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