Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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