when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
