this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
