the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my moral compass just broke
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