A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
