You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
