I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
