the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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