Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
