Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
