i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
pray to the hookup gods
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
