.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
