therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
