Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
