There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
