Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
